From the news: Wind of Change

-As a German, I just can't ignore this (via Captain Sensible). The Social Democrats have invited no one else but The Scorpions, the band that brought us the famous soundtrack to the fall of the Berlin Wall, to rock out at their main pre-election event over in Ostrava. When is it? How much are tickets? Excuse me while I check my agenda.

Vegan Recipe: Lime-and-coconut takeover

Spring disappeared temporarily, so why not go for a lime-coconut cupcake-party in yo mouf' until the sun comes back? I mean, look at that beauty up above! Martina Martinez shows you how to do the delicious.

Before you think, Another cupcake?, take a closer look at this one. See the half-nude beau—or belle, whatever rocks your boat—juggling coconuts and limes under the sweltering skies and luxuriant trees of the tropics? Well, this is that inside a paper liner. Sweet and tangy and precious-looking. If there were one cupcake apt to take over the world, this one would get my vote.


Stuff you'll need:
1/3 cup vegetable oil
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 cup coconut milk
1/4 cup soy milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp coconut extract
1 tbsp grated lime zest
1 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
1 cup coconut


For the icing:

1/2 cup shortening (Blesk-Malinda Baker's Fat by Natural works well despite its dubious name. You can get it in any of those bio stores.)
1/2 cup margarine (Avoid softening the margarine by leaving it out of the fridge. That won't work with icing.)
3 cups confectioner's sugar (Yes, that's three cups.)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp lime juice
1 tsp grated lime zest
1 cup flaked coconut
thin slices of lime


As usual, preheat the oven to 170C and line the cupcake pan with liners. In a bowl, mix the oil, sugar, coconut milk, soy milk, vanilla, coconut extract and lime zest. Add the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt and mix till smooth. Add in the coconut, and mix. Let bake for about 25 minutes.

Meanwhile get your icing gear out. Beat the shortening with the margarine until what might qualify as fluffy. Add the sugar and beat some more. Now, just add the lime juice, zest, and vanilla, and beat to combine. Chill until the cupcakes are completely cool, then heap the frosting onto them. Spread the coconut flakes onto a plate and roll your cupcakes around in it. Decorate with lime slices, and tadah! (Oh, do keep them refrigerated for aesthetics' sake.)

WTF: The Tit Pillow

All y'all single lads out there: I am honored to bring you... the tit pillow. We all know those lonely nights tend to get, well... lonely, and what could be better than cuddling up to a warm, soft, tit-shaped pillow, I ask you?

Spotted recently at an Easter fair in Kutná Hora, the tit pillow really boils down femininity to its essence. At only 190 kč a pop, it's cheaper than a trip to Darlings and probably a safer option. It's the Czech equivalent of a Snuggie.

Ostrava's, like, the Williamsburg of the Czech Republic

The New York Times is promoting Ostrava as a place to visit. I go back and forth on this. To be fair, I've never been. And I could see myself visiting, but only because I ALREADY LIVE in the Czech Republic.

Otherwise, ancient metaworks aside, it seems like a strange stop for someone who's coming from the other side of the Atlantic.

Vegan Recipe: Can the Real Peanut Sauce Please Stand Up?

It's that time again: The Vegan Recipe of the Week by our lovely contributor Martina Martinez. Get jiggy with some peanut butter and tofu over the long weekend!


A rich peanut sauce poured over a shitty meal will make you want to dip your fork in it, atop a mediocre meal will make you sing and streak, and, if coupled with something delicious, might just melt your heart. If flat beans sound a little too healthy, you can substitute them with pretty much any veggie you like, though they add that vibrant green and needed crunch to it all and are in season: so, easy and cheap to get.

Stuff you'll need:
1/2 cup rice
1 shredded carrot
1 cup flat beans (Oyster mushrooms cut into stripes work magically as well, but, unless you don't mind chewing away your teeth, stay away from the stringy snow peas.)
1 package of tofu
pinch of salt
vegetable oil for frying (Peanut oil works nicely.)

For the glaze:
1 tbs mirin
1 tbs soy sauce

For the peanut sauce:
1/2 cup peanut butter (The crunchy kind spices up the texture.)
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 tbs sugar
1 tbs soy sauce
heaping tsp of crushed ginger
juice of 1 lime

Adding flavour to your big white tofu:
1/3 cup mirin
2 tbs tamari
1 tbs vegetable oil (Sesame or peanut works well.)
chunk of ginger, diced
2 cloves smashed garlic


If you're short of time or effort, feel free to skip the marinating bit, though, you'll like yourself more if you let the tofu swim, even if just for an hour. So, basically, all you have to do is cut up the tofu into 2cm cubes, mix the marinade ingredients and immerse your very-white and still-bland tofu in it, flipping it every 30 or so minutes.

Get the rice cooking! Cut the beans into thirds and shred that carrot. Boil some salty water and blanch the beans, boiling them for just about a minute and then running them under ice-cold water.

Meanwhile, you can put together that aaaah-mmmmm peanuty concoction by, well, blending the six ingredients.

Once the rice has done its time, just fry it for about 5 minutes on high heat, adding the carrot and frying for another 3 or so minutes.

Afterwards also fry the tofu, marinated or not, for about 3 minutes on each side until golden. Once the heat is off, throw in those crunchy flat beans and the mirin-soy sauce glaze. Just toss it around for the flavours to blend.

The climax, then: Plate the fried rice, layer with the tofu-bean mix, and top with the peanuty sauce.

News Roundup:Blah.

There really isn't all that much going on today that would be fun to point out or relay. Sorry, guys.

- Obama is making a holiday of his trip to Prague, staying overnight for an extra day of fun talks with European leaders, such as the prime ministers of Hungary and Poland.

-Former communist prosecutor Ludmila Brožová-Polednová, most famous or rather, notorious, for her participation in the 1950s show trial of Milada Horáková (Czech national hero) weaseled her way out of a prison sentence of six years for assisting in the judicial murder of said Horáková. On the grounds of presidential amnesties given to her in 1953 and 1990, her sentence will now end in 2011. Read more about the background here.

BARS: Hidden in plain sight

The New York Times said the Týnská literární kavárna is where "local writers and students" meet up. Ooh la la, New York Times. But don't worry, the rest of us feel at home there, too. When I was there last night it was packed with almost exclusively Czech speakers, with the exception of a large table of French, staff from the Institut Francais.



Even for a regular, the squat, arched door is easy to walk past once the sun's gone down. There are no windows to betray the flickering glow of a busy cafe, so you have to know what you're looking for. Inside, it's warmly lit with a few different rooms to choose from. One of the best parts of the cafe isn't open yet--its patio. The patio is unique in that it's tightly enclosed on all sides, no street noise to speak of, but enough sunlight gets in to make it pleasantly warm during the summer. Here's a look out the doors onto the patio:



The cafe has a long list of coffees, teas and juices, a fully stocked bar and Bernard beer on tap. The beers range from 10 to 13 degrees, the 13 degree one being a dark beer.


I'd forgotten how great the cafe really is, taken it for granted, I suppose. When I brought out of town visitors there one night they loved the quirky door and said "this is great!" as soon as we walked in. I like being reminded every now and again that I live in Prague, and it's pretty fantastic.

Events Roundup: Hoppy Thursday

A perfect night to stay in and bake a carrot cake, methinks. Easter is coming up and I'm still largely incapacitated by "jarní únava" or spring fatigue, so you won't see me hopping around at any of those parties.

POETRY:

- The beautiful and talented Annie Brechin, a recent UK transplant to Prague, will be reading at the Poézié Suterén series tonight at 8 p.m, at Shakespeare's and Son's on Krýmská 12. If you haven't seen her yet, you should go, and if you have, you don't need me to tell you to.

FREAKY GLAMOUR:

-Oh Lord. The Cloud 9 Sky bar on top of the Hilton Hotel is having a "hetero-friendly" party. There will be reduced prices on long drinks, a music show, a party guide and the dress code is "chic crazy/freaky glamour/ nightly decadent" If you're not scared, go and check it out at 9 p.m. for free. I'll be hiding at home with my cake.

SPORT:

-The March madness continues over at the Czech Inn Kavarna, tonight at 6 p.m. with cheapo Budvars and college basketball players. While the appeal of that is lost on me, I will acknowledge that one man's tea is another man's coffee.

Morning Roundup: Charles Bridge is falling down

-This is a shame: The Czech Republic's best tennis player, Radek Štěpánek, is taking a hiatus from tennis because he's suffering from "fatigue syndrome," a condition that was diagnosed in the states recently. I'm not sure if that's the same as Chronic Fatigue, either way, rough deal.

-Prague has been fined 3.5 million crowns for royally effing up its reconstruction of Charles Bridge. Maybe you should keep the hordes of tourists off of it for a bit, give it a breather. Although to be fair, reconstructing a medieval bridge is probably pretty hard.

-The Czech telegram died yesterday, after 160 years. I had no idea you could still send those things.

Events Roundup: Out like a lamb

Last day of March, and the weather is... nice-ish. But back to lambs. It's terrible! Never have I wanted so badly to both eat and cuddle something! Unfortunately I encounter little lambies in food form more often than I do in cuddling form... so .... sorry lambie.

CLUBS (you won't see this category too often, don't worry)

-It's Wednesdays 4Free at Mecca tonight! This was posted a while ago on a now defunct blog, but it's a pretty full rundown on why you SHOULD NOT GO. I have yet to visit any of the bigger clubs in the Prague environs, but I've heard Cross Club is worth a trek. The problem is there's an 80 percent chance I'll stand there with my arms crossed and make like a seventh grader at a middle school dance. I'm a party pooper.

MUSIC

-For a more subdued affair, try The Royal Oak's open mic night, starting at 8 p.m. Anny Letenske 18, Prague 2-Vinohrady.

-Mon Ami restaurant has "Fish, Wine and Robin" tonight at 8 p.m. at its Vrsovice location on Kodanska 47. Entrance is free. Robin has a blue satin shirt and takes requests on his keyboard. Yes, I think that's awesome. I'm also recommending it, though, because I love their food. They have a Balkan 'burger' that's half lamb, which makes it taste better, and their grilled sardines are fresh, delicious and a SUPERFOOD. I'm pretty obsessed with superfoods at the moment.

WATCH: Puppiebooboo soothes crying baby

Dog Sings To Soothe Crying Baby - Watch more Funny Videos

Ok, seriously, if your eyes don't tear up a bit over this or at least your heart goes: "AAAAAW!", then I suggest you go see a therapist.

The dog in this video hears the nearby baby cry and erupts into a beautiful and harmonious song that soothes the infant. Ultimate proof that doggies are our best friends.

WTF: Kitten tears

This was spotted at a Billa grocery store. Just try and say no to that! Never mind what the charity actually is, can't you see that kitten is CRYING?

News Roundup: Teenage Kicks.

-OMG OMG OMG! Remember the guy that brought us stuffed animal tourism? Like, have your teddy bear's picture taken in front of Charles Bridge and then, let it enjoy a massage in the park, all for the sensational price of only 100 Euros? This same guy, who is the head of the Czech National Association of Travel Agencies, Tomio Okamura, has received an unofficial offer to replace freak show Michal Kocáb as Human Rights Minister. I KNOW!

-Why this took 10 days to break I dunno, because I don't think my life was complete until I knew that Jean-Claude van Damme kicked a bottle of wine off the head of "some Czech guy" at the Miss Czech beauty contest in Prague.

-Around this time next week, Prague will be in throes of Obama-mania, when Mr. President Barack Obama and his Russian buddy Dimitry Medvedev sign a new disarmament treaty in (bleck-worthy nickname for Prague coming up) "the city of a thousand spires". The Czech air force is in on it, too, and will use Gripen fighters to secure air space. That's some serious shit.

Events Roundup: I'd like to be... under the sea.

Is it wrong to already dream of the upcoming long weekend on a Tuesday? Maybe, or maybe just masochistic. Ah well. It's sunny and breezy and beautiful out and the birds are chirping. I'm watching the scene from my office and yearning to join the merriment. If, like me, you have to wait until tonight to experience le fun, check this:

Party:

-BEATLES Party that is. The Red Room is having a goodbye event for someone I don't know, but it goes hand in hand with a screening of "Yellow Submarine" and live Beatles covers later on in the night, as well as Beatles tunes being DJed. I don't think I used the term Beatles enough in this paragraph, so if you like The Beatles, you should go to the Beatles Party at The Red Room (Myslíková 28) tonight at 8 p.m.


Theater:

-Tonight is the night for the chosen three in this year's Prague Playwriting Contest. Catch the last performance of the three best plays and be there for when the jury decides which lucky playwright takes home a cash award of 10,000 kč. I wish I had thought ahead and participated, considering how broke I am now. Show starts at 7:30 p.m. at Divadlo Ponec, tickets are 220 kč.

Food:

-I don't know about you, but I'd love to be able to make my own fucking Gnocchi, since these little Italian potato dumplings are really SOOOO delicious. If you wanna learn how to make Gnocchi alla Romana, stop by Gallery Hunger (U Rajské Zahrady 2) tonight at 7 p.m. and become a Gnocchi making master FOR FREE! Seriously, what's not to love?

Sports and Comedy:

-Experience the Czech Inn Kavárna (Francouská 76) at its shizophrenic best: 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. March Madness aka College Basketball, followed by Too Soon?! comedy night at 8p.m. All at no charge whatsoever.

Good Cop, Bad Cop: The Sociopath

This week in GCBC: How do you survive day-to-day human interaction if you just can't bring yourself to do, say and feel the right thing? As always, if you want advice from Good Cop borufkaberry and Bad Cop Captain Sensible, write us at praggeist@gmail.com


Dear GCBC,
I hate most people and nobody understands me. I don't see any point in small talk, and I'm completely lost when it comes to social conventions. The amount of times I've put my foot in my mouth because I didn't say the right thing or failed to notice new haircuts or remark on people's losses... I don't get it. Is a new haircut really such a big fucking deal? And why should I send you my condolences because some third degree cousin I never even met (and you probably saw twice at some family gathering) passed away?

I'm truly lost. Is there a course where I can learn this shit? Or should I not even bother and just be real?

Sincerely,
Cut the Bullshit



Dear CTB,
Well well well. Let Mama tell ya sumthin': There's not always a logical rhyme or reason to why certain things are considered rude, it's rites, rituals and habits that have been established over thousands of years, and human life doesn't always make sense. So take your brains out of this and stop asking "Why?". Just do it. Say the nice thing. Try to put yourself into someone else's shoes. Because you know what? It pays off. People are nice back. And sometimes, a little smile is all it takes to make your day.

Much love,
Good Cop.

Dear CTB,

You neglected to include one key piece of information: your age. Because if you’re 15 and “nobody understands you” then you’re just a self-obsessed teen and will grow out of it. But if you’re over 20 (which I’m going to assume), you must have some kind of arrested development. How come you’ve got no people skills? Were you raised by wolves? In any case, how do you imagine the human race would get by without small talk and the ability to navigate social conventions? I’m genuinely curious. Are you capable of smiling? That would probably cover up for a bit of your inane chat deficiency (this does not apply in the case of bereavements). As for friends’ haircuts, just say “new hairstyle? Nice”. It’s just three words and won’t hurt too much, believe me. In fact a few words will suffice in most of the situations which seem to cause you pain. Finally, relax about hating most people. In that at least you’re normal.

Best,
Bad Cop.