So instead of a bar review, which I'd be pulling out of my ass, because nothing comes to mind that isn't totally obvious, today, we bring you a little guide to bar etiquette.
I've bartended in New Orleans. Even two years later here in Prague, I can't help but notice inconsiderate and stupid behavior on the side of guests that slows the whole bar traffic down.
Of course, there's also a whole lot of painful stuff going on behind bars (I recently observed a bartender measuring out a cup of pineapple juice with shot glasses, the whole process took twice as long as if he had just poured it. It's a testament to the fact that you are a total amateur if you can't eyeball your liquor and your mixers or do the counts system, but that's a whole other story.)
So let's say you're in a bar where the bartender isn't wasting time on silly shit and is busting ass to get you your drinks, all the while trying to smile. If you don't want to be one of the assholes who mess it up for everyone, here's some pointers:
1.) Have your money ready. This is especially an issue with the ladies, who take ages to dig out their wallet from bottomless purses. Slows everybody down, people. Also, bartenders tend to serve you more quickly if they see you have your money ready, so it's a win-win.
2.)Don't wave or call the bartender's name. Maybe applies less in Prague, where service can be awfully slow. But when I was still bartending, that automatically moved you to the back of the line, because everyone is waiting, so there's no need to holler.
3.) If you are ordering for a group of people, have everyone's order before you even go to the bar. So many times, I see people ordering for themselves and 8oo friends, and once they get to the bartender, they start asking around who needs what. Big waste of any bartender's time, when you've finally placed your order, that person could've poured 4 beers, easy.
4.)Bus your shit. Running around trying to find pint glasses is a big time- waster for bar staff, and often, bars here don't have barbacks, so it cuts the staff behind the bar in half when one of the bartenders has to go and collect glasses because they are running low.
5.)This is a bit advanced, but if there are several beers on draft or different kinds of red wines, you can save your bartender (and thereby all of us) some time by being specific. I.e., instead of ordering a beer, order a 10 degree big Gambrinus, because they likely have a higher degree one and different sizes. Be specific.
6.)I often find that one way to make sure you get served quickly at the bar is a big tip on your first order. Works like a charm, and you can compensate by giving lower tips later, the bartender won't mind because they've already gotten a big tip.
7.)If the bar is packed and the bartenders are struggling to keep everyone happy, ONLY ASSHOLES order drinks like mojitos, chocolatinis (actually, anyone who orders a "-tini" that isn't the classic one is a jerk in my book, but that's a whole different story), or anything that takes a long time to make, is a pain in the ass and not even that delicious to start with. This applies less so to cocktail bars, but even there, drinks that require a lot of labor are not really a wise choice during high traffic periods.
8.)This isn't about traffic, but one surefire way of making yourself look like a total douché is to order a top-shelf liquor such as Grey Goose vodka with something nasty like red bull or even less awful mixers. If you go fancy, don't mix it with cheap sodas or energy drinks. If you want a ghetto drink like vodka redbull, well vodka will do.
9.) Flaming drinks are for insecure wankers.
10.) If you anticipate drinking all night and there's the possibility, always go for a tab. Saves us all a lot of time.
