This week featuring the lovely Mme Nikki as good cop and Captain Sensible's tough-loving, no bullshit advice in the bad cop part of the column. Enjoy and as always, send us your problems to praggeist@gmail.com
Dear GCBC,
I’m an American student studying abroad at CU, and in September, I left both my little Texas town and my boyfriend of five years behind. When I left for Prague, I had two clear intentions: staying for only one semester, and staying with my loyal, loving high school sweetheart.
But then I met my current boyfriend, another abroad student here from the UK. In my defense, I never cheated on The Ex, but I’d be lying if I said that our breakup wasn’t in large part due to my new-found love interest. The Ex was crushed, and told me that he would always wait for me. However, much to the delight of my current boyfriend, I soon came to decide to stay in Prague for the whole year.
Despite the fact that I completely demolished his heart, The Ex has remained a good friend, and we still keep in touch. A lot, in fact. That’s the problem. It’s been about three months since we broke up, and in the past couple weeks, I find myself talking to him, whether it be through IM, Facebook, or email, more often than my actual boyfriend on a daily basis. It’s not romantic, lovey-dovey talk, but just two old friends talking and joking around and chatting.
My question for you is: how big of a deal is this? Is it really my fault that my ex wants to talk to me more than my current BF? Should I tell the BF about this? Am I giving The Ex false hope?
Thanks,
Beset by Boyfriends
Dear Beset by Boyfriends,
I can certainly see why’d you be feeling badly like this, but I think there are two important questions that you need to ask yourself, not us: firstly, is this hurting your relationship with your current boyfriend? While I think you’re right to be concerned about how this will affect your ex, your current boyfriend’s feelings should be your first priority. Do you think he is feeling jealous or hurt by your relationship with your ex? Does he even know that you two are still so close and talk so frequently?
Secondly, you mentioned that your current boyfriend doesn’t seem to want to talk to you… Is it possible that you are trying to make up for that by talking to your ex? Are you trying to compensate for feeling neglected by your Brit?
It seems like you need to think about these things first, and then make it clear to your ex about your intentions and position with your new boyfriend. If you’re feeling neglected by your boyfriend, talk to him about it, and hopefully you can figure out how to make things better. And finally, I would say that honesty is the best policy here—come clean with your boyfriend and tell him that you’re still close with your ex, but be sure to assure him that it is strictly in the friend-zone.
Good luck!
Best,
Good Cop
Dear Beset by Boyfriends,
If you’ve extended your stay to a “year” I guess you’ll be leaving Prague in June/July when, I’m assuming, it’s going to end with Britboy anyway, no? So what do you owe the guy? SFA, that’s what (if you don’t know what that acronym means, he can fill you in). Why is it some kind of problem that you are now chatting with the Tex-Ex while simultaneously bonking the Limey? Well, perhaps not completely simultaneously. (By the way, are you not communicating with the latter much because you can’t understand his “palaver”? Or does he just avoid conversation? Have you noticed him wince when you drawl “y’all”?). As for giving the former false hope, he knows the score you say, so again, what’s the problem here? You’re making a “moral” mountain out of the most microscopic of molehills, Young Miss Beset. Kraaazy students.
Best,
Bad Cop
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