Good Cop, Bad Cop: The Sociopath

This week in GCBC: How do you survive day-to-day human interaction if you just can't bring yourself to do, say and feel the right thing? As always, if you want advice from Good Cop borufkaberry and Bad Cop Captain Sensible, write us at praggeist@gmail.com


Dear GCBC,
I hate most people and nobody understands me. I don't see any point in small talk, and I'm completely lost when it comes to social conventions. The amount of times I've put my foot in my mouth because I didn't say the right thing or failed to notice new haircuts or remark on people's losses... I don't get it. Is a new haircut really such a big fucking deal? And why should I send you my condolences because some third degree cousin I never even met (and you probably saw twice at some family gathering) passed away?

I'm truly lost. Is there a course where I can learn this shit? Or should I not even bother and just be real?

Sincerely,
Cut the Bullshit



Dear CTB,
Well well well. Let Mama tell ya sumthin': There's not always a logical rhyme or reason to why certain things are considered rude, it's rites, rituals and habits that have been established over thousands of years, and human life doesn't always make sense. So take your brains out of this and stop asking "Why?". Just do it. Say the nice thing. Try to put yourself into someone else's shoes. Because you know what? It pays off. People are nice back. And sometimes, a little smile is all it takes to make your day.

Much love,
Good Cop.

Dear CTB,

You neglected to include one key piece of information: your age. Because if you’re 15 and “nobody understands you” then you’re just a self-obsessed teen and will grow out of it. But if you’re over 20 (which I’m going to assume), you must have some kind of arrested development. How come you’ve got no people skills? Were you raised by wolves? In any case, how do you imagine the human race would get by without small talk and the ability to navigate social conventions? I’m genuinely curious. Are you capable of smiling? That would probably cover up for a bit of your inane chat deficiency (this does not apply in the case of bereavements). As for friends’ haircuts, just say “new hairstyle? Nice”. It’s just three words and won’t hurt too much, believe me. In fact a few words will suffice in most of the situations which seem to cause you pain. Finally, relax about hating most people. In that at least you’re normal.

Best,
Bad Cop.